Of Floobers and Books
by Elyang
Summary: Minerva is stuck 'babysitting' Sirius. She wishes that he would act his age, but is that REALLY what she wants? Set during OotP. SBMM


This is an SBMM thingy, rare coupling and all. Either way I think the ship is really cute.  
  
Well, the reason I wrote this is because chapter 8 of my other ficcy, Oh Take Me Back to the Start, is taking too long. I am currently typing that, but I only manage to add a few sentences to it. :P It's really annoying.  
  
But one night this idea popped into my head and I just needed to write it.  
  
Sexual activities but nothing in detail and it ends before it begins...  
  
Sooo, read and enjoy! And remember R&R!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't even own Shanghai Baby. But that was one DAMN GOOD FACKING book.

* * *

**Of Floobers and Books**  
  
Sirius sat down languidly on the soft armchair in the dimly lit living room, every now and then casting sideways glances to the witch who sat across from him. She silently read a book, her eyes were glued to the book and she paid no attention to Sirius. He was bored; he desperately needed something to do instead of moping around the ancient house all day, and unfortunately for him, his housemate was very horribly boring.  
  
Sirius slipped something out of his pocket and fidgeted with it for a while, he glanced at the witch who sat across from him again. She still wasn't paying attention to him so he continued to play with it a little more. It was a jelly-like substance that shape-shifted every time you flicked it. Sirius had giggled madly like a little girl when he first got it, it was a gift from Fred and George, they said he didn't want to get too bored by himself, and he had too settle for something less extreme when he was left with Professor Mcgonagall.  
  
Sirius didn't want to risk being scolded like an eleven-year-old boy, which did happen even though when he was on his best behavior. He flicked it once more and it formed into a miniature version of Professor Mcgonagall, her face was that of pure anger and exaggerated features. Like, her nostrils were three times its normal size and her mouth was a like big hole. He snickered at his floober. Then he saw the witch close her book, she stood up and walked to his spot. He quickly slipped his floober back in his pocket and he whistled innocently, the witch held an open palm in front of his face.  
  
"Give it here, Sirius."  
  
"Why, whatever do you mean Professor?" Sirius smiled sweetly at her. He stuck his hand in his pocket and flicked his floober; he didn't want the floober's image to become real.  
  
"Give it now, Sirius. I don't want to risk anything exploding in here," Minerva said sternly.  
  
"Fine! It is harmless!" Sirius removed his floober from his pocket; he dropped the floober into Minerva's open hand, not bothering to look at it.  
  
Minerva's nostrils flared as she stared at the floober.  
  
"Ah, a gift from the twins?" Minerva said with great annoyance in her voice.  
  
"Yeah, said that they didn't want me to get bored," Sirius said with a cheerful smile.  
  
Sirius looked at the floober and his smile was immediately erased. The floober hadn't changed much, the only thing that had changed was that right hand was up in the air and the other hand was up her oversized nostril. Sirius laughed aloud and quickly clamped both his hands on top of his mouth.  
  
"I didn't make it do that!" Sirius said quickly.  
  
Minerva glared at him and walked into the kitchen, the floober still in hand.  
  
Sirius stood up and attempted to follow her into the kitchen, but Minerva gave him a look that clearly meant, stay where you are.  
  
"Wait! What are you going to do with my floober?" Sirius shouted.  
  
Sirius waited in the living room, fearing the fate of his floober. Minerva walked back into the living room, she gave Sirius a quick glare and sat down on the sofa once again, her attention was on the book once more.  
  
"Well?" Sirius said.  
  
"Well, what?" Minerva replied and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"My floober! Where's my floober?" Sirius shouted.  
  
"It has found its home in the sewer," Minerva said calmly.  
  
Sirius stood in his spot with a mortified look on his face, then he ran into the kitchen yelling, "Murderer! My floober! You murdered it!"  
  
Minerva gave an exasperated sigh and followed him into the kitchen. She saw the sight of Sirius sticking his hand into the pipe, which had been enlarged by magic; his hand was darting around frantically, trying to find his floober.  
  
"Sirius! Get a hold of yourself! It's just a silly toy!" Minerva said.  
  
"What do you mean 'just a silly toy'? How can you be so heartless?" Sirius yelled.  
  
Minerva shook her head and returned to the living room, she continued to read her book as she waited for Sirius to come back. After ten whole minutes Sirius came back with his head hung low. He sat back down in his armchair and pouted like a child.  
  
"Sirius, wash your hands," Minerva said without taking her eyes off the book.  
  
Sirius folded his arms over his chest and did nothing. Minerva then pointed her wand at him and red light hit Sirius and his soiled arm was cleaned in a jiffy.  
  
"I am not a child! I am highly capable of cleaning myself, thank you very much!"  
  
"I know you aren't a child, but you act like one."  
  
Sirius stood up angrily and threw his hands up in the air.  
  
"Now I don't have anything to do! It's as boring as it is already!" Sirius shouted at Minerva.  
  
Minerva glared at him and shouted back, "You think I'm having fun baby- sitting you?"  
  
"I am not a baby!" Sirius yelled haughtily.  
  
Minerva pointed her wand at Sirius and red light once again shot out of her wand, and a bunch of books appeared at his feet.  
  
"Read a book."  
  
"I don't want to read a book!" Sirius whined.  
  
"Then don't," came the curt reply.  
  
Sirius sat down and folded his arms, much like he had done earlier. He glanced at Minerva who was still reading her book, then at the pile of books in front of him. He sat there staring at the pile for several minutes and eventually he got off his chair and went through the pile.  
  
"What's all this rubbish?" Sirius said as he threw the educational books around. "Is this all yours?"  
  
Minerva still remained quiet and paid him no mind.  
  
Sirius stopped throwing the books around when he came across a romance novel, he raised an eyebrow and glanced at Minerva.  
  
'The Professor reads trashy romance novels? Interesting,' he thought and flipped through the pages.  
  
On the pink cover it read "Shanghai Baby, A story of Love, Sex, and Self- Discovery". Sirius sat down and started to read the book, he immediately became absorbed in the story and for the first time in all his life, he was actually interested in a book.  
  
Minerva noticed that it was peaceful inside; there were no sounds of Sirius making snide comments about his floober being destroyed. The only sound she heard was Kreacher pacing through the house. She looked at Sirius and saw the most amazing sight, he was actually READING, he was READING without being forced to! Minerva thought that was a sight to behold. She shrugged and returned her gaze to her book. Apparently, there was a first time for everything.  
  
Sirius was currently on the eighth chapter of the book, Coco had gotten into a torrid love affair with a married foreigner named Mark behind her boyfriend, Tian Tian's back, and Coco was devastated because she knew she was doing wrong...  
  
'Damn foreigners...' Sirius thought as he read the book.  
  
Sirius continued to read the book, not even stopping to scratch the itch on his arm. He thought nothing could disturb him from his own little world, but then he heard his stomach growl. He turned to Minerva who was still reading, and only now did he realize why Minerva and Hermione read all those books.  
  
"Um...Professor? I'm getting rather hungry," Sirius told Minerva.  
  
Minerva raised an eyebrow and said, "You're old enough to make your own food, Sirius."  
  
Sirius shrugged and said, "If I starve to death, Molly'll kill you."  
  
"No, I don't believe so. I would probably be doing her a big favor," Minerva said curtly.  
  
Sirius dropped the book he was reading; he put his hands on his stomach and bent over. He started rolled on the ground.  
  
"Hungry...so very hungry..." Sirius said while making sick, animal sounds.  
  
Minerva silent time then ended right there, she tried to ignore his noises that sounded like a cat giving birth.  
  
Five minutes. He wasn't even there.  
  
Nine minutes. Not so bad, she could endure.  
  
Eighteen minutes. He just HAD to stop soon.  
  
Twenty-five minutes. Minerva threw her book down and yelled, "Fine! I'll get your damn food!"  
  
Minerva walked to the kitchen, she was obviously very irritated since she stomped her feet as she walked, trying to make her annoyance known to Sirius. Sirius on the other hand walked quietly behind her, reading his pink book as he walked; he heard her stomping footsteps clearly but it didn't bother him one bit. There was no pleasure without pain after all! That was a nice phrase, maybe he should tell her. Yes, maybe he should...  
  
"No pleasure without pain, Professor! Keep your head up high and smile!" Sirius said a bit too cheerfully behind the book.  
  
Minerva stopped walking and Sirius, whose attention was on the book didn't notice that she had stopped, he bumped into the not-so-happy Professor and his book fell on the floor. Sirius only now saw her not-so-happy expression and he scratched his head nervously. A bad tiding had unfortunately befallen him...  
  
"Oh, terribly sorry, Professor, You see I was reading this book that you let me borrow, and I didn't notice that you had stopped walking," Sirius noticed that Minerva looked about ready to smash his face with the various things that she could grab inside the house, such as the many colorful vases, the many pots that were fixed neatly in the kitchen, the tables, chairs, plates, and many, many more. "Did I mention that books are amazing once you get to know them?"  
  
Minerva turned on her heel and continued to stomp her feet. She flicked her wand and the food items she needed flew to the counter, she transfigured her wand into a knife and started chopping away. Sirius sat at the dining table and watched her chop; he temporarily forgot the book that he held in his hand.  
  
"What are you cooking?" Sirius asked, not really curious about what he was going to eat. He just felt like talking.  
  
"Beef stew," She replied simply.  
  
"Isn't magic faster?"  
  
"Manual labor is important as well, we can't rely on magic all the time."  
  
"Your not going to poison it, are you?" Sirius said. The question was actually quiet honest. He was afraid that she'd poison him so she could be free of her responsibility to watch him.  
  
Minerva stopped chopping the carrots and looked over her shoulder. She glared at Sirius and said with her voice full of venom, "Do you want me to poison it, Sirius?"  
  
Sirius got the impression that she wanted him to keep quiet. So he shrugged and got back to reading his book. While he read the events happening in the book his mind yelled at Coco when she was with Mark, 'No Coco! Don't do it!'  
  
As Sirius read the book he didn't notice that quiet a long time had passed. He heard the sound of something being set in front of him, he stopped reading and looked at the table, a bowl full of beef stew was in front of him. Across the table in front of him, Minerva sat there, eating quietly. He set the book down beside him, and started to eat as well. In contrast to Minerva who's posture was straight and ever well mannered, Sirius sat slumped forward with his elbows resting on the table. He remembered when he sat like that when his dear mother was around she would poke his elbows with a fork and slap his back. Oh, how he missed his dear old mother...he missed her so very little.  
  
Sirius glanced at Minerva, he felt like he really needed to talk. He wasn't exactly sure why though...  
  
"Professor, how long have we known each other?" he asked.  
  
Minerva looked up, removing her gaze from the bowl, "I'm not sure. Quiet a long time perhaps."  
  
Minerva started to eat again, clearly not going to say anything more. But Sirius didn't want to stop talking just yet.  
  
"Professor, why do I call you Professor?"  
  
Minerva raised an eyebrow at him and answered, "Sirius, does a stupid question require a stupid answer?"  
  
Sirius shook his head, "I mean, that's not what I meant! I meant, why do I call you Professor when everyone else calls you by your name? And you're no longer my Professor after all."  
  
Minerva pushed her bowl aside, she felt like she wasn't going to be able to eat.  
  
"Sirius no one is stopping you, if it bothers you so much that you don't call me by my name, then do as you will. By all means, call me Minerva," she said, resting her arms on the table.  
  
"Wicked! Can I call you Minnie?"  
  
"Now that is a big no-no, Sirius."  
  
"Aw, bugger."  
  
After a period of silence, Minerva pulled her bowl of beef stew back to her. She got a spoonful of her beef stew, but before she could put the food in her mouth Sirius asked another question.  
  
"So do you have a boyfriend Minerva? Hey! That's the first time I called you by your name! Bloody wicked!" Sirius said with a cheerful smile.  
  
Minerva pushed her bowl aside again. When was she going to be able to eat?  
  
"I don't think I'm going to answer that question. Any other questions you would like to ask me before you disturb my dining time again, Sirius?" Minerva said, obviously hinting at something.  
  
Sirius, who obviously didn't get the hint continued on with his talk, "Well, you must have had a boyfriend before, right? I mean you are quiet good-looking. No wrinkles like those old muggle ladies your age, and your hair is still black."  
  
"I may have had one, and that is nothing of your concern," Minerva said, her tone clearly stating she would say nothing further, and Sirius got that hint.  
  
Sirius played with the cover of his pink book, and he was absent-mindedly staring at it and before he thought about what he was going to say he asked, "Minerva, when was the last time you had a good shag?"  
  
When Sirius had realized what he just said he repeated what he had done earlier, he clamped his hands over his mouth. The book had apparently given him too many ideas. Minerva's nostrils flared and she looked like she was about to rip him apart, but instead of jumping on the table and slitting his throat with her knife-transfigured wand, she just sat in her chair and gave him looks of death.  
  
"Sirius, since I know that you're probably saying that because you are always inside this old house with no companion but that creature with you, I will push aside the burning desire inside of me that wants to strangle you, chop you into pieces and feed you to Buckbeak." Minerva said with a dark look.  
  
Sirius gulped and stammered, "Th-thank you, Minerva..."  
  
Minerva pulled her bowl back to her again and started to shove the food inside her mouth, her face still looked a bit scary.  
  
After Minerva had cooled down a bit Sirius twirled his spoon around in his bowl, he wasn't as hungry as he thought he was.  
  
"Because if you know...I haven't either..." Sirius said, not looking at Minerva, but to his side at nothing in particular.  
  
Minerva pushed her bowl aside. Again.  
  
"What are you trying to say Sirius?" She said in a low voice.  
  
Sirius shrugged, his fear had already subsided and he no longer cared. "I think you know exactly what I'm trying to say."  
  
"Sirius, I'm sorry, but don't even think about it," Minerva looked away. But she hadn't in so long...  
  
"Oh, that's too bad..." Sirius said, not hiding the disappointment in his voice.  
  
They sat there saying nothing and not looking at each other, and then Minerva turned to Sirius and whispered.  
  
"If you won't tell..."  
  
Sirius smiled widely and put a hand over his heart. "On my honor as a Marauder. Promise I won't tell if you won't."  
  
Sirius held her hand and guided her to his room. When they entered Minerva stepped on something and fireworks went off in his room. Minerva covered her head and closed her eyes. When the fireworks had ended Minerva put her hands down and said, "What was that?"  
  
Sirius scratched his head and laughed nervously, "You better be careful, lots of things can go off here."  
  
Sirius had already discarded of his shirt. Minerva made her way to his bed, being careful of her steps so she would not make anything go off again. She started to unbutton the muggle dress that she wore; Sirius saw her and stopped her hands.  
  
"Here let me do that for you," he said and started unbuttoning her dress. "You don't look so bad as a muggle."  
  
"Thank you." She said as she watched his hands, he had nice hands.  
  
Sirius pushed her dress off her shoulders. He smiled slyly.  
  
"You have a nice set of-"  
  
Minerva glared up at him, "Sirius, don't even finish that sentence."  
  
"What? I was just gonna say you had a nice set of arms," Sirius said as he looked into her gray eyes and smiled.  
  
Minerva sighed and put her hands on his shoulders.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Minerva pulled him on top of her and kissed him, her tongue slipped inside his mouth and licked his canines.  
  
"It would be a good idea to shut up now..."  
  
Sirius growled and started to nibble on her ear.

* * *

The two lay on the bed, a few inches away from each other. Both had gotten their normal breath back. Sirius moved his feet around and played with the white sheet that covered them. He glanced at Minerva who lay down with her eyes closed, her breathing was slow and steady, and she seemed asleep.  
  
"Hey...are you asleep?" he whispered.  
  
Minerva shook her head a little. "No."  
  
Sirius looked at the ceiling. "Oh."  
  
"What time is it?" he asked.  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"How long have we-"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"What time did we-"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
Then it was Minerva's turn to ask a question.  
  
"Did you lock the door?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Did I cast the spell?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Minerva looked over the edge of her bed and reached for her dress, she stuck her hand in the pocket of her dress and took out a jelly-like substance. Sirius immediately recognized what it was.  
  
"That's my floober!"  
  
Minerva shrugged. "I got quiet fond of it on my way to the kitchen."  
  
Minerva flicked it and it turned into a bird, then a cat, then a dog...  
  
Minerva handed it to Sirius and he started to flick it to.  
  
"What should we do now?" she asked.  
  
Sirius threw his floober aside. "Well...when two people are done they usually end up in each others arms..."  
  
They stayed quiet for several minutes. Minerva inched closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder and draped her arm over his chest, Sirius immediately wrapped his arm around her.  
  
"Now what?" She asked again.  
  
"Then I guess we're suppose to sleep."  
  
Minerva fell asleep just like he said, he kissed her forehead and stared at the ceiling; he wasn't feeling sleepy yet. Sirius glanced at the floober that lay inches away from the bed and he thought, 'And to think this started with a silly toy named floober.'  
  
Sirius also spotted a pink book that was on the small table near his bed. He reached for the book with arm still around Minerva. When he opened the book his eyebrows creased into upside down arcs and he thought, 'No Coco! Don't do it!'  
  
THE END

* * *

It SUCKS that I'm having a hard time with OTMBTS...Oh well...this hopefully might make up for it.  
  
School just started...  
  
DAMN...  
  
But anywayz...what didya think?? REVIEW!!  
  
It makes me heppay...  
  
Before I go...  
  
SPREAD THE SBMM LOVE!!!  
  
You know you like it... 


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